August 6, 2015


Liam turned four. His birthday was planned well in advance — the hotel booked a few days after he turned three. We talked about waking up with the sun, again, and hiking on the mountain where Leif took his first unsupported steps last year. I liked the thought of watching my second son run ahead of me in the fields. Maybe, if I felt strong enough, I would allow myself to imagine them both running in the tall grass together.

His third birthday was full of sunny skies. His fourth was dark and stormy.

The sun broke through every now and then but it was mostly grey. We walked under rain clouds and took cover in a tractor barn. I forgot to pack jackets, so we decided to turn back and head home early.

As we drove, I watched the clock. 1:36pm — when he began to live and die. 3:05pm — when he took his last breath.

The years pass and nothing has changed. He is still missing. I still feel helpless.

The days go on and so does the love for my son gone too soon.


  1. Sending lots of love to you, Tash. Liam is so loved. (Oh, those not-quite-two hours with him.) xo.

  2. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

    {Laura Beck, Tru Love}


    Most days, I feel like I am carrying my broken heart in my hands.

    {Polly Kirton, She is Our Angel}


    How does joy compare to the deep pain of grief?
    Joy only goes so far.
    I never found the bottom to grief.

    {Emily, Kirchink}


    Liam Lucarelli - you are not forgotten.

    Tash, I wish he was there, running. Wish wish wish.

    My shadow will always follow yours, looking for him.

    xo CiM

  3. Thank you for sharing these quotes.

    "A mother's love goes beyond until death do you part."

    I read this somewhere early on in my grief and connected to it, too.

    Oh, I love seeing his name. I love that you remember him. And I love you too, dear Cathy. xx