January 27, 2014

one.


This boy turned one last week. One!!

I’ve been trying to find the words to describe what it’s been like raising him and watching him grow this past year. Words to describe everything he means to me.

But words, words don’t even come close.

I’m beyond grateful that I get to hold him every day. That I get to watch him grow up. That I get to be his mom.

And that’s about all I can type for now without bursting into tears.


/ Photos from his birthday

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August 13, 2013

two.


We do meaningful things

and visit a meaningful spot.

It is his day.

A day for rituals

and reflection.

I think about what Liam's life means to us

and all the ways he's changed me.

I remember why we are right here right now

and the little boy who is not.


+++


In Toronto, candles are lit

and two balloons hang next to his picture frame.

Photos of Liam are posted on his aunt's Facebook wall

and messages of remembrance are exchanged.

Justin shows me each one

and my tender heart swells.

He is remembered and missed and loved.


+++


Liam is gone

but he is very much a part of each and every day.

He is a part of us.

His story is weaved into his brother's,

into mine.

I carry one of my sons in my arms

and the other one in my heart.


+++


August 6 is the anniversary of our first son's birth.

Liam would be two years old now.

I miss him so much.

I love him so much.


/ Some photos from his day.

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July 3, 2013

▲▲▲


"When I walk, I walk with you. Where I go, you're with me always." - Alice Hoffman



/ Mount Mansfield, Vermont

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June 18, 2013

5 months.


Today my love.

You are 5 months old.


Incredible.


/ Photos by your papa

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April 29, 2013

▲▲▲


Leif, this is sunrise.

This is the river.

Those are ducks.

That's a heron.

These are your hands.

And your fingers.

That's your mouth.

They are your grandparents.

They are your step sisters.

He is your brother.

His name is Liam, and one day, I will tell you his story.

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April 24, 2013

3 months.


I can't believe how quick life is happening and that this little guy is already 3 months old.


March 6, 2013

leif.


Leif Everett Lucarelli was born on January 18 at 12:27am. He looks like his father and brother, and is just the sweetest little boy.

My time away from this space has been filled with so much gratefulness and wonder and love. There are moments when I can still hardly believe that he's here safe in my arms.

I'm sorry that things have been quiet around here and for my lack of responses. I've been adjusting to life back on my feet and breathing in every moment with the newest member of our family. Thank you for your support and thoughts and emails. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and I can't wait to share more soon.

/Dr. B placed Leif on my chest and in that moment I breathed, really breathed, for the first time in a long time.

We did it my darling.

First Hellos