August 13, 2013
We do meaningful things
and visit a meaningful spot.
It is his day.
A day for rituals
I think about what Liam's life means to us
and all the ways he's changed me.
I remember why we are right here right now
and the little boy who is not.
In Toronto, candles are lit
and two balloons hang next to his picture frame.
Photos of Liam are posted on his aunt's Facebook wall
and messages of remembrance are exchanged.
Justin shows me each one
and my tender heart swells.
He is remembered and missed and loved.
Liam is gone
but he is very much a part of each and every day.
He is a part of us.
His story is weaved into his brother's,
I carry one of my sons in my arms
and the other one in my heart.
August 6 is the anniversary of our first son's birth.
Liam would be two years old now.
I miss him so much.
I love him so much.
/ Some photos from his day.
July 3, 2013
June 18, 2013
April 29, 2013
Leif, this is sunrise.
This is the river.
Those are ducks.
That's a heron.
These are your hands.
And your fingers.
That's your mouth.
They are your grandparents.
They are your step sisters.
He is your brother.
His name is Liam, and one day, I will tell you his story.
April 24, 2013
March 6, 2013
Leif Everett Lucarelli was born on January 18 at 12:27am. He looks like his father and brother, and is just the sweetest little boy.
My time away from this space has been filled with so much gratefulness and wonder and love. There are moments when I can still hardly believe that he's here safe in my arms.
I'm sorry that things have been quiet around here and for my lack of responses. I've been adjusting to life back on my feet and breathing in every moment with the newest member of our family. Thank you for your support and thoughts and emails. I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and I can't wait to share more soon.
/Dr. B placed Leif on my chest and in that moment I breathed, really breathed, for the first time in a long time.
We did it my darling.
January 15, 2013
2012 was both hard and amazing at the same time.
When I reflect back, I can hardly believe how far i've come.
From a second failed IVF treatment in March to conceiving naturally 7 weeks later to threatening to miscarry at 6 weeks to cervical cerclage and 30 weeks of my life spent in bed.
What a crazy, terrifying, amazing, bittersweet journey.
The stitches that held my cervix closed and kept my second son safe in my womb were removed last week.
I walked out of the hospital with a smile on my face and a lump in my throat.
The removal was another hard and familiar step in this pregnancy.
Every day, every hour, every minute, as I grow this baby I think of Liam.
Contractions were strong last night and eased this morning.
My body is preparing for labor any day now.
We are ready to meet our second son.
Thank you so much to those who are checking in and thinking of us.
I'm sorry for being quiet here in this place of missing and hoping and waiting, and not really knowing how to articulate it all.
You can also find me over on Instagram if you'd like to join me there @Suite994.