March 30, 2018

Good morning, mommy!


I rub my eyes to find him (and rhino) here. He is talking to the birds and scolding the squirrels
and I grab my phone from the night table to capture this because it still sometimes feels like a
dream and i'm still scared about what the next minute will bring and how many times in a day do I
say or think what would I do without him?

February 28, 2018

I can't wait to watch his eyes light up when he sees the ocean for the first time, to see him swim
in the waves, to share as much of the world as I can with him.

February 14, 2018

January 18, 2018

You are missing out on someone very special.

But you already know what a wonder he is.

October 27, 2017

some people,
when they hear
your story,
upon hearing
your story,
this is how

-nayyirah waheed

October 15, 2017

wave of light

For Liam and all the babies who should be at home with their families.

August 6, 2017


Who would he have been at One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six?

What color would his eyes be, his hair, the sound of his voice, his laugh, what would his favorite book be, song, movie, superhero, what would his relationship be like with his brother, what would their sibling love be like, how would our family's story be unfolding with him in it...?

I miss Liam exactly the same as I did on the day I pushed him into the world and waited for him to die. My arms still ache to hold him, to feel the weight of his body against mine, to smell him, to breathe him in. I still close my eyes at the end of a long day hoping to meet him in my dreams.

I can only imagine the longing for him will die with me.

The years go on and life pulls me forward, as it does.

Most everything in life has changed but one thing remains the same: an important person is missing in our family and he will always be missing.

My greatest love and mystery in the whole universe: Liam, i'm so sorry you aren't here with us.