February 12, 2012

sunday morning.

I'm always the first one to wake up. I put on a pot of coffee, cuddle with Ziggy and fiddle around the house while J sleeps. This morning I curled up on the sofa with a pile of blankets and a magazine. Ziggy joined me and fell back asleep in my lap.

It's been a long two weeks. It felt good to be still and just be in those first few hours of the day. My IVF treatments are finishing on Tuesday. The heavy dose of hormones divided up into 5 injections a day have completely drained me. IVF is intense. For me, IVF after losing Liam has been overwhelming and very emotional. So much pain from his death has risen back to the surface. I feel like the past, present and future have all gathered into one time. Right now. J reminds me to take it one step at a time. Don't look too far ahead. Keep the spark of hope alive. Keep Liam close and safe. It's a balancing act.

Our collection is the next step and that will be on either Wednesday or Thursday. Then we wait by the phone for someone to tell us that my eggs have fertilized and that it's time for the transfer. Oh how I hope one fertilizes this time... steps Tash.

*** These are some photos from our day in the country last week.


Tash and Justin



  1. I get up an hour early everyday so I can enjoy a peaceful coffee. I really hope your IFV works, I'll be thinking of you and sending fertility wishes your way. xo

  2. Sending you positivity for your transfer. The pictures are so peaceful and I'm wishing some of that into our hearts and minds. Being drained emotionally and physically is so overwhelming. Sending you a giant hug and hoping for good news.

  3. Hoping everything goes well with this IVF cycle for you guys:)

  4. Good luck with these first steps forward. I'm keeping everything crossed for you.

    It is a balancing act isn't it? I remember when we were first allowed to try again after Seamus had died - It was so emotional thinking about another child who would not be Seamus... But now, I just love them both.

    Your photographs are beautiful.

  5. Sending all my positive wishes and energy your way!!!
    Love the photos of you and J.

  6. i know what you mean... and I am thinking of you as you approach retrieval. Love these pictures... esp. seeing both of you. xo

  7. thinking of you guys. i need to find a way to take the next step and this post gives me courage.

  8. my prayers and thoughts are with you all.


  9. I am thinking of you today. And like all these women here, hoping and praying that your treatment work. xox

  10. Saying prayers and crossing fingers and toes for you, Tash. You really deserve this. I'm hoping that the good in this world shines down on both of you.

    You write so beautifully. I imagine it must be so difficult to articulate such intense emotions... but you almost make me feel like I understand what you're going through (although, of course... nobody can unless they've been through it).

    I particularly loved this line: "I feel like the past, present and future have all gathered into one time". This really explains what an emotionally charged and significant point in your life that you're facing.

    Thinking of you often. xx

  11. Oh and how could I forget to mention the photos? Stunning! x

  12. You are still one of the best mother's I know. The love you exude is most important. The photos are amazing as always.

  13. so i think you know by now (especially NOW ; ) how much you mean to me and how each and everything you do represents more than it actually is. by that i mean, you could write about walking across the room and i'd sense a whole back story to what those steps mean, the different directions you could have taken and so on. there's always more than meets the eye in your world lovely girl!

    quiet mornings with Ziggy, daily rituals, J's reassurance and Liam's spirit are all, i'm sure, helping with this fine balance. Tash, my every prayer includes you all...all 5 of you b/c Shiraz is there too. blessings for all the positive energy there could ever be to come in and infuse itself on you, through you and everything that is a part of you.

    i love these photos - they are all filled with texture and that is how life is too. bumpy, multi-layered, transitional; i'm hoping yours is moving towards a smoother and more frictionless plane. xo ♥

  14. thinking of you and hoping. x