June 26, 2012

9 weeks & an update.


We got our first peek at this little life. 7mm of hope growing in my belly.

The ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat was encouraging after a scary start to this pregnancy. I've been bleeding for 3 weeks now. My doctor told us that with my history of PPROM (Preterm Premature rupture of the membranes) and Premature birth, bleeding is a serious concern. Dr. B ordered immediate bed rest and medication to help thicken my uterine lining. I'm also taking a slew of vitamins to nourish and strengthen my body and this life growing inside me. We're doing everything we can to give this pregnancy the best possible chance.

For now, we're quietly counting down the days until our follow-up appointment, when we get to listen to the heartbeat again, and then my surgery, which is scheduled for July 16. Some people have told me to enjoy this pregnancy, and I know that they mean well, but so far this pregnancy has been pretty terrifying. And not just for J and me, but our families who call daily for updates. My mom called this morning and said, "Only one more week until you see the doctor now. Hold on". We're all counting down and holding on and anxiously awaiting the next date we get to mark in our calendars.

We're all doing the best that we can.

My little family shared the most heartbreaking experience when we lost Liam. This pregnancy has already brought so much hope back into our hearts, but we know there's a long, hard road ahead. As a friend and babylost mother of two precious daughters and two living children tells me, "Every day that passes, you're a little bit closer".
            
>>>>>

Thank you to those who left notes and sent emails and who are cheering us from afar. We're so grateful for your support along the way in this subsequent pregnancy and as we continue to always miss our Liam.

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39 comments:

  1. I´m thinking of you!

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  2. One day at a time. I am trying to repeat that to myself as well. I am thinking of you, Liam and rooting so much for baby.xoxoxo

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    1. One day at a time yes. I'm thinking of you and little Severus, and your beautiful Jack always. xx

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  3. Happy thoughts from across the sea for you three. Rest up lovely xx

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    1. Thank you, lovely Nell xx

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  4. it is terrifying! some days are easier than others, but really it is about surviving... one day at a time. I am sorry you are bleeding and scared. There is so little to do except wait and hope it can feel very out of control. I am hoping the bed rest, vitamins, surgery and hope will increase the chances for a live healthy baby. Hugs!

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    1. So terrifying. But all we can do is take it one day at a time and one step at a time. It's the only way, otherwise it's too overwhelming.

      I'm thinking of you so much Renel, in these days leading up to Camille's first birthday. I'm sending so much love and holding you and Camille tightly in my heart. xx

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  5. Tash, I have been thinking about you and the baby and hoping. xoxo Ashlyn

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    1. Thank you, lovely friend xx

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  6. I keep you in my thoughts Tash. Take care xxx

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  7. You've been in my thoughts too. I remember that feeling of anxiety with Joy. It's not a pleasant feeling. And it marred most of that pregnancy happiness and confidence I had with Skye. I can't imagine how much worry all this bleeding must be causing you. It must be terrifying! I'm so sorry this journey is a tough one for you. Big love to you and your little baby. xx

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    1. Thank you my friend. I knew that a subsequent pregnancy wouldn't be anything like those first 5 glorious months I had with Liam. And in so many ways i'm grateful that I got to experience that blissful carefree confidence with him, even if it was cut short. I know this journey will be difficult, physically and emotionally, but i'll do whatever it takes to bring this baby home.

      I'm so happy that Joy came to you safe and sound, and that you experienced such a beautiful birth with her. I imagine all the anxiety and fear dissolves once your baby is safely in your arms. It's what I hope for.

      I think of you often Nicole and wanted to tell you that we planted the seeds you sent last year. J transferred the seedlings into our backyard last week and Liam's little garden is sprouting beautifully :) xx

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  8. Praying for you. Stay strong. Sending you love and strength.
    Xoxox,
    Lulu

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  9. stay put little one, we are rooting for you, your mom and dad.xxox

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    1. Thank you K. I'm hoping for you, and your family xx

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  10. I absolutely adore that quote, and it has always brought me great comfort. You are in my thoughts, daily. Sending you all the support I can muster, all the way from the other side of the world.
    xo

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    1. Thank you Sally. I've changed quotes on our board a few times this past year, but I keep coming back to this one. It does bring so much comfort.

      Thinking of you and Hope always xx

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  11. Hoping, hoping, hoping for you...

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    1. Oh i'm hoping, hoping, hoping for you too... I'm holding my breath with you from afar.

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  12. Been thinking of you three a lot. One day at a time. I can imagine how tough it must be for your whole family.

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    1. Thank you Marian. I'm thinking about you too xx

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  13. Keep on doing the best you can...and trudging along through each minute, hour, day and week. Grow baby grow!

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    1. ... each minute, hour, day and week yes.

      Thinking about you and baby in your belly and your sweet Bear xx

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  14. I bet your muma wants for this to be easy and joyous and fear-free for you. Just like we all do. As I've said to you already, hope in your belly and faith in your heart. Know that we're praying, meditating and thinking of you - remember this whenever your faith wavers x

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    1. Thank you lovely Jodi. Hope in my belly and faith in my heart yes. xx

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  15. Tash, all you can do is put your head down and survive the day. Each day brings you closer.

    Hold on tight tiny baby! Thinking of you guys and remembering Liam always.

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    1. Thank you for thinking of us and for remembering Liam.

      Thinking of you and A always xx

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  16. "We're all doing the best that we can." I think that's it Tash. Through the grief, through the subsequent pregnancy, through the fear and longing and perseverance, you're doing the best you can. It seems fitting and appropriate and dripping with grace.

    Love and peace in the days ahead.

    Josh

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    1. Thank you my friend. It's all any of us can do isn't it, the best that we can.

      Sending love to you all, and remembering your darling Margot always. xx

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  17. Oh my dear Tash, you are such a lovely human being. I am thrilled for this new hope brought into your life but I know very well the apprehension that accompanies it. I think all you can do is just muddle through and, you know, even muddling through is doing a pretty damn good job.

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  18. HOLY crap! I have been under a rock! Congratulations you beautiful mamma on this little bean of hope. I know exactly how terrifying it all is right now, and in all honesty will probably continue to be. Do the best you can with each day you have and know that there is so much love, light and hope coming your way. xo

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  19. As Josh says, it is all about doing the best you can. I know what you mean about people encouraging you to enjoy it... I must say, in my subsequent pregnancy, I never managed that same joy that I had had when I was pregnant with Seamus, but I did have moments - Seeing Hugo on the ultrasound screen, feeling him wriggle about in my belly, watching John's face as he felt him kick... and that was enough for me - those little glimmers of light in amongst the anxiety... they kept me going. So I hope the same for you - that you get those occasional nuggets of joy to sustain you along this long road.

    Remember we're all here behind you, gentle nudging you forward... You can do this, one step, one day, one hour at a time.

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  20. Thinking, hoping, sending you good thoughts. The quote is lovely.

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  21. when I picture you Tash I see you in my mind's eye as calm and serene....ever patient and strong. Every heartbeat will bring you closer to the moment when your baby comes into this world. So much love out there for you Tash... xxx

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  22. Tash, you've been on my mind every day. i'm resting my thoughts over and around your words now though and feel like it'd be way more awesome just to get my arms around you for a hug and supportive lean.

    i can understand how trying this day to day is for you both, plus your fams. the amazing love you have for each other must be lifting your over the most difficult hurdles, at least that's my prayer for you. much love, xo ♥

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  23. Advice to enjoy this pregnancy? Sadly I found that impossible to do. I was full of anxiety for the duration of my journey with Leo. Next to losing Margot, carrying Leo was the hardest thing I have ever done. Every day was a battle. And yet if all goes well this time around...which terrifyingly none of us know if it will...then you will look back and it will all be a blur, a memory, some sort of strange dream that you somehow lived through.

    I'm hoping with all my heart for you...

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