February 28, 2012

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My days have been slow and quiet. I sip tea, read magazines and listen to music. I put my feet up, take my hormones, folic acid and prenatal vitamins. I research, email and blog.

I've been thinking about this blog and how much it's changed. I think about how much my life has changed. I think about Liam. My son has been gone for nearly 7 months now. 7 months. I think about the little boy he would be today. "He would have been one handsome little guy". Those were my father's first words after he kissed Liam's forehead and feet. I think about all the hopes and dreams we had for him and for our family. We wanted to take Liam to China and Uruguay, to show him his roots and introduce him to his family overseas. We had such plans. Such confidence.

I think about life and I wonder what's next. J and I are heading into Friday's appointment with the hope for a chance. A second chance. Even through loss and pain and struggle, there is hope isn't there. A light at the end of the deep, dark tunnel. It's not always easy to see it, but i've opened up my heart again and it's there. The hope that is coming.


*** Thank you so much for checking in on me, for your messages, private emails and the hopes you've sent our way. I've been thinking about you too, old blog friends who have stuck by me and new blog friends whom i've been lucky to find along my way. I'm sincerely thankful for you guys.

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12 comments:

  1. Yes Tash I see it as well. The light at the end of the tunnel. Hope it is there.

    Thinking of you and waiting for news of your dr's visit.

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  2. I'll be thinking about you as you head into doctor appt on Friday.
    Glad to to hear you are getting some hope back, I know it's hard.

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  3. Hope that glimmer of hope starts to blaze on Friday for you. xx

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  4. I am praying for you both. Don't lose hope.
    xo

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  5. I am glad you are able to relax and get some comfort. Hold on to that hope. I'll be thinking of you and your appointment on Friday.xo

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  6. I have found hope to be so ephemeral over the past year, as it comes and goes and dances like a flicker around my mind and heart. I have learned to pounce on it when it's there, sucking every ounce I can out of it. It sounds like you are doing the same. Thinking, waiting and hoping for the two of you.

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  7. That hope is everything mamma.. hold tight.

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  8. I'm hoping, praying for you!
    xo,
    Lulu

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  9. Hoping for you as always Natasha...sending positive thoughts your way...enjoy that Kinfolk magazine:)

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  10. Hi, I'm new to your blog...
    I'm hoping for you too xx

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  11. Thinking of you and holding my breath right along side of you.

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  12. oh tash, you write so eloquently and my gosh you're brave for documenting your path. i hope so much for you too. thinking of you x

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