***

We took this photo in Mexico. I was 15 weeks along and we were well on our way with documenting Liam's beautiful pregnancy.

I'd always loved this photo. J had put a flash behind us because it was pitch dark out and after about 10 takes this is what we got. It was perfect. Symbolic of the life that was growing inside of me. The life we created and loved and couldn't wait to meet.

We chose Liam's name during that trip. "Liam, if he's a boy"...

I look at this photo now, and well, it's taken on a whole new level of meaning. I'm thankful that we didn't wait to start taking pregnancy photos because each one means so very much.

Who would have thought that five weeks later i'd be lying in a hospital bed fighting to save Liam's life?

Who would have thought so many things.

I miss him so much.

update.

A quick note to say that i'm not pregnant. Realistically, we know what our chances are with IVF, and this was only our first transfer. But I got my hopes up, I couldn't help it, and now i'm feeling pretty devastated and lost. Our new hope is that the doctor will have another plan for us when we see him next week.

I'm going to take a little break from blogging. A time to gather my thoughts and prepare for whatever is next. Thank you for your amazing support and for hanging in there with me, it's meant so much.